It is like calling Michael, Mike.
Jesus bless you all, all glory and power to Him now and forever.
So where to begin?
Probably how I came in to this world, because many people in my family keep secrets about the past and what happened.
My mother was suicidal before I was born and to my logic I could blame it all on Catholicism and the hatred towards God in my family, by which I could go even further back in time...
At around 1945, when communist soldiers rounded up almost half of the village, where my parents came from, in one house and they burned the house down. By which I could guess that my grandfather (he died before I was born) could have cursed God not knowing better, cause they were catholic farmers not wanting anything from the war. But knowing now what the bible says about serving other gods and that the curses go down the generations its clear to me now.
But communism is tailor made against anything closely to God. People couldn't have known better in that area at that time as most of them didn't want to go to school or had better things to do, like being shepherds or tilling the ground for farming and going barefoot to the next town for groceries which was many kilometers away. So they had it tough.
And after that event many families migrated from that village to other countries like Germany, America, Canada, Switzerland, etc.
So after that my father with his brother moved (around the 60's) to the coast of Croatia where I live currently (Dalmatia, near Split). Once they moved there, from what I could find out from my family members, they started to treat my mother horribly while my father was working, (and in my family, there is a genetic trait that we have a short fuse and we get angry and frustrated very quickly, except my mother. All I could find out about her is that she was a calm, happy, and God fearing women who loved to sing, but I never knew her like that).
Most of my family members (uncles, aunts from both sides, grandparents) being zealous Catholics were so blindly accusing my mother and my father of many things, like being called all kind of bad names (whore and stuff like that), constantly getting verbally attacked and what not. They just made it like hell for them and my mother couldn't handle that and at one point she reached for the bleach under the sink and wanted to end it. And she survived it, but she was physically damaged (stomach burns and what not)and mentally damaged (she would talk to herself constantly, smiling to herself).
This was now in the mid 80's to the best of my knowledge, when all that happened they moved to Switzerland.
And in the year I was born I already was involved in a car crash while being in my mothers womb (it wasn't the last one either, every car my father had I was with him he crashed one, looking at it now only Jesus could have shielded me, because of all the crashes I was involved I had NEVER any physical damage).
I came into the world 26.11.1990 in central Switzerland. So, I grew up in Switzerland, a very clean and rich country where everything is in the best order while the rest of the world is suffering, makes you scratch your head, but anyway.
From my youth I was always in contact with nature. I loved it so much there. I was mostly in the woods playing. In the morning I always saw a farmer working on the field through my window, every winter everything was covered in snow, it was so cool. I was that kid that was always in la-la land upstairs. I was shy too and I learned many good things there, like being polite and to keep your surroundings always clean. I had many friends there and had always good laughs, to the point that we would almost wet our pants.
On the other side, when I would be at home, there would sit my father with his old and ''trusty'' TV set, his beer and smokes, never really interested in showing me anything, besides jesting and being silly, but not really teaching me anything (up to this day he is like that, he is hooked on American Wrestling).
Like I said he had a short fuse all the time, never hitting anyone, but verbally he could be so nasty and mean, like then even today he makes the impression of being exhausted and he doesn't care. Looking at the mentality what life to him is, its like, work, show yourself to others, be funny, make something with your money, tell others what you did, and try your best. So God will judge according to that. Its so catholic.
And my mother, was kind of always half of the times here and then somewhere else in her mind, but she always had a big heart towards me, the hugging and caring to her best ability. She even teached me how to pray heavenly father (and other catholic prayers which I'll never pray again), she showed me some cooking, I was always with her when she was washing the clothes etc. Which shows me today even a good intention doesn't mean it's actually good, concerning the prayers! But I can't blame anyone of them, Satan is a master liar. And only Jesus is the Judge.
Anyway, we would always go on Sundays to catholic church and as long as I remember it, I SO HATED it, the dark surroundings, the tinted windows with the saints painted on them, always the same thing every Sunday, doing nothing new, such a cold surrounding, so my interest in the bible was...meh...I really never had any interest in that kind of god worship, I would rather PLAY, like any child. I even managed to convince them to leave me home a couple of times instead of going to church.
As life went on, having 2, much older brothers and 1, older sister, they always looked down on me, it didn't even feel like they were brothers then, now even more so.
But my sister helped as much as she could, wanting to replace my mother ability to care for me, but all of them went after their own ambitions after all.
Remembering now as I went to school I actually managed to repeat 2nd grade because I just didn't care about school, it was so boring, except for the trips we would make and the sport events. And my whole family actually put me in the middle of the living room having a meeting with me, discussing what was wrong with me, although I didn't understand much then (kinda funny thinking about it now, knowing Jesus opened my eyes and ears to the Truth).
So I actually loved it in Switzerland, I had it good and I didn't know then much about what happened to my parents or any of that. but I still noticed my mothers odd behavior.
Then when I was around 13 years young my father lost his job and he told me that we would have to go live in Croatia. That was one of the saddest moments for me, it hit me so hard, my friends, the nature, I was just used to live there, I didn't even know how to properly speak Croatian. By that time I was fluent in Swiss-German and German language.
They even sent my father to language school so he could learn the German language better so that he might get a new job, but he didn't care, I mostly wrote his homework for that (lol).
So when we moved to Croatia, it was such a cultural shock for me. The cussing and blaspheming of God is what hit me the most. I never heard it like they do it here.
Even though I wasn't aware or being close to God at that time, I was so uncomfortable hearing that kind of talk, I mean if you ever know how Italians are known for cussing and blaspheming God, Croatians come close after them. But the worse thing was I even got used to it after a while.
The next thing was, Croatia was (partially is) kinda dirty. Some people don't care to throw away the garbage properly, they looked at me strange and laughed at school here for being nice and throwing garbage in the bin (don't get me wrong I wasn't ever a saint, if I wanted sometimes something others had, I usually stole it. That I could've gotten from my father or even mother, I just remember certain things they did and they liked to be hypocrites, like my father would say to me, ''don't steal'' and next day he tells me how he stole an umbrella cause he needed it, stuff like that).
I got laughed at a lot for not speaking properly or not knowing certain things. It's like attacks all the time from that point in life, then you got certain teachers looking at me and saying things to me like, ''oh look the Swiss kid is here, turn off those lights, we don't have that much electricity here like the Swiss do'' and stuff like that. Yeah...totally different path I was on since I came here.
Then normally when I finished 8th grade we went to high school so to say.
There I started to smoke cigarettes, drink casually at the beginning, later some more.
Sometimes we would smoke marijuana. It was like ''cool,'' everyone does it...oh and video games, I was so hooked on that. I was practically obsessed since I got a computer here in Croatia (The computer turns out to be a blessing today). And even though I hated the cussing I eventually started to cuss too.
Still to this point no sign of even searching for God. We would occasionally go to the catholic church but here it's so different, half the people stay outside smoking cigarettes and the rest of them are inside, some pretend to be holy, some don't even listen what is being said, some try to listen but don't understand...then you have the half naked women who just wanna show themselves, the older men would gossip about other people!
I mean...wow and I was like them...nothing better...I would at this point be outside smoking rather than be inside. And still to this point no one said a word about the happenings in my family, even my aunts and uncles played all nice and all had a smile on their faces, and everyone respected me, to me, for an unknown reason then. But I just knew that something is wrong in this family, there was that smelly smell in the air. And to every question no straight answer, everything sugarcoated.
The high school I went to was a private school and was specialized for tourism. My father basically put his savings (not all of it, some he gave to my brothers) he got from Switzerland into this school for me, although I clearly wanted to go to a graphical school, cause I always loved to paint...they all persuaded me to go to that school instead cause I knew the German language.. nothing was like I wanted it basically... (my family always tried to solve things with money, they just never were like the explaining type of people).
Well going to that school I learned to hate money. That school was full of spoiled children who had all the money (and that's how they got the good grades) except for my class somehow ha-ha. We were the poor ones who barely had for the school year to pay (and had the worst class and grades) (lol).
All I learned from that school is that money is very important in pushing someone's career. The rest was pretty much useless, mathematics went overboard in finding x, history was mostly who wore what kind of pants, I aced German and I learned English mostly from games, Hollywood and American TV series, cause all of them are with subtitles here in Croatia.
After finishing this school I shortly was working as a waiter here and there, nothing long lasting because
I hated that too, because here you learn how to steal and cheat customers, yay!, totally what I didn't want.
One thing I had to do was take a glass bottle and fill it with tap water and sell it as bottled water until I got caught by someone who was a waiter too who knew too see this kind of things. Or how to make customers pay for something they didn't even want, like pate and bread and charge it afterward.
Suddenly my mothers past catched up. Her health got much worse and she got diagnosed with stomach cancer and metastasis on the liver. First I was depressed and I started to smoke more and more marijuana. I was driving my mother almost every day to the hospital and to chemotherapy. That was almost 8 years ago now and I cried for my mother, I knew she would die...that chemo wasn't going to help, smelling that metal taste coming from her mouth and skin and all that...
Although my sister tried to come up with certain ways of healing...
the damage was immense, but at that point I got hold on her medical record and how she attempted suicide. I read it all.
More and more questions arose and more and more people went away...friends had some partying to do, I was too depressed for them, so two of my friends stayed during that time.
And the last time they came for her with the ambulance to pick her up form our house, upon coming to the hospital, the doctor asked me...what he should give her in terms of medication...I was so confused and I couldn't believe what he was asking me (who is the doctor here?) while my mother was lying behind me breathing heavy and looking at me. Like I should be responsible for his next action.
Right at that moment I hated the medical institution.
Then when my mother died, at the funeral...I was kind of relieved.
That if her life was consisting just of suffering then this death would mean it's over.
She made it, she is with God, she isn't suffering anymore. Right?
But all of the family, at the funeral, were crying and I just couldn't understand it.
Why do they all cry?
Do they know that she suffered?
(And all glory to Jesus Christ that He gave me at that point that kind of understanding.
Even if I didn't know him then. Everything that happened I thank Jesus for teaching me how He did and continues to teach me.)
After she died I basically didn't go anywhere for a while. I just started to learn human anatomy, biology, numbers, golden ratio, and how its everywhere, politics, and how our system works...I was basically searching God not knowingly.
But still I didn't touch the Bible and I was still entangled in depression and smoking weed and drinking...waiting for something to happen. But people didn't care what happened to me...
Then I collapsed one night going out drinking. It was like someone pulled the plug, and I ended up in the hospital. The doctor said, that they had no idea what's wrong, everything seemed fine.? These doctors don't know anything. (lol)
This happened to me two more times, Jesus was basically saying to me, to stop.
And after getting a girlfriend I noticed soon that it wasn't the answer either. She was pretty, but bossy and wanted it her way all the time (most of them here are like that).
I just realized that with this world there is something very, very wrong. And, I knew certain things from the Bible at this point how God is good and forgiving.
And the very last time I was going to get drunk,
to summarize it was like this…
I got drunk, chewed up half pack of my smokes, blasphemed God,
I was rolling on the ground, grabbed onto some barbed wire,
and NOTHING happened to me, not one hair damaged!
I felt sooo miserable the next day, so unworthy. I cried out and I asked Jesus to forgive me and to save me. And something fiery went through my body, I don't know what, to the point I couldn't bare it and then it went away...
From that point, my knowledge just started gradually to increase. I read the Bible more
and I see the world for what it is.
I stopped smoking, both cigarettes and marijuana (although gradually, not suddenly).
I don't drink.
I don't blaspheme anymore.
I barely play games (total time waster).
I cook for myself.
I wash my clothes, I iron it.
I got a job and a pay enough for me to eat healthy.
This all happened in this last year, from last summer 2017 until now.
AND ALL GLORY TO JESUS CHRIST, SINCE HE LED ME TO HIM.
AND HE WAS ALWAYS THERE EVEN IF I NEVER KNEW HIM AND I BLASPHEMED.
THERE IS JUST SO MUCH MORE I COULD WRITE!
And since that moment I actually can't stop praying. And I am listening to worship songs only from listening to rap, hip-hop, rock & roll, pop, electro, dance and what not…
I can only listen to worship music now.
PS: TV's should be banned worldwide.
Love you all.
Yeshua my King, my Saviour, my Guide. He is the only Way.
He loves you, no matter what you did.
He will forgive you if you cry out for forgiveness.
Cause no one is or ever will be perfect.
He lived a sinless life and shed His blood for all your sins.
He was buried 3 days and rose again.
Now He lives FOREVER with all His might and glory.
The only one who can and will Judge you.
I hope this is a blessing to you.
Take care and don't stop praying, He is always listening to you.=)
~ Mishko ~
August 18, 2018